Funny quotes about office
Dylan Moran quotesThe careers teacher told me I had a clear choice: if I didn't end up going to university I'd end up robbing post offices.
People walk past me in the street and look at me, but because they think I work in their office and they can't remember my name.
Woody Allen quotesOrganized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
Mike Birbiglia quotesThey really cut to the chase in the urologist’s examination room, and I tried to laugh. If this office were a movie, it would have been rated R.
Jim Gaffigan quotesYou ever got one thing to do all day but you just can't get yourself to do it? I gotta go to the post office ... but I'd probably have to put on pants. They're only open until 5. I'm going to have to do that next week."
Brian Regan quotesI have to lay off dairy though. That's what my doctor threw in. As I was leaving his office, "Oh, and uh, leave off dairy." What kind of blanket sweep is that? "And no more happiness! Away with you!
David Cross quotesI thought it was really odd at how much people freaked out at Katrina. You'd think they'd be worried about something important. 'Oh my God, look! George Bush is just appointing all his friends into office and we're in an unfounded war...' But no- 'Fuck that! That nigger's stealing some potato chips!'
Bill Burr quotesYou know what a cubicle basically says? It basically says, like, 'You know what? We don't think you're smart enough for an office, but we don't want you to look at anybody.'
Maria Bamford quotesMy old lip color could barely keep up with my busy schedule. In the time it takes to notice the wide discrepancy between my salary and that of my male peers, I'd have to reapply! In the seconds to count the number of women in high political office, seated on corporate executive boards and featured in film and television over the age of 40, my lip color would be as invisible as this glass ceiling only inches above my head! L'Oreal. Because I am worth it. And because holding myself to an impossible standard of beauty keeps me from starting a riot!
Ricky Gervais quotesNo one grows up saying 'I hope I work in an office one day?' And that fascinated me. People from 16 to 65 are just thrown together and that is a tantalizing mix,
Rita Rudner quotesI was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
Dennis Miller quotes
Kevin Hart quotesSo I'm at the office, I tell this guy...Pass me the stapler, but when you pass it, make sure staples are in it, because if it isn't, I can't staple anythin'.
Marc Maron quotesA lot of people think that Jesus is coming back. That's fine, it's your right. But you know, I live in New York, and I think he's running a little late. I'm asking myself, 'Alright, what happens if Jesus comes back tomorrow? What -- does he make rounds to churches?' 'OK, everyone who's been good, buses leave in 10 minutes. I'll meet you in front of the post office. I gotta go. Oh, don't tell the Jews I'm back.'
Russell Howard quotes'Come back here, I'm a police officer!' and I shouted back 'No you're not! You're a monster!'
