Best short quotes

We are now the proud owners of a white boy. Now we have to shop in the caucasian isle and get sunscreen, mayonaise and mild salsa because the other ones really hawt!

Guys who talk about their ex-girlfriend are like girls who talk about their farts.

Weather forecast for tonight: Dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

The three ingredients of a successful union between two . . . humor, commitment & undying love.

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.

What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong.

When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

What is stand-up comedy?

Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.

It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.

In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.