Best short quotes

How long is it polite to continue to be interested in what someone says after they reveal they've got a boyfriend?

You can’t argue with a good blowjob.

Politics: “Poli” a Latin word meaning “many”; and "tics" meaning “bloodsucking creatures”.

I'm not a fighter, I'm a bleeder.

I keep it very family-friendly, ... Every now and then I’ll slip a little bit, but that’s just the way I perform.

Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't.

[Tequila] is not even a drink. It's a way for having the cops around without using a phone.

We Americans, we're a simple people . . . but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.