Best short quotes

A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.

Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!'

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

The reason old man use Viagra is not that they are impotent. It's that old women are so very ugly.

My name is "A Pimp named? Slickback" Wait.......A Pimp ??? .....Named Slickback. Yes, please say the whole thing if you would. Yes, that includs the "A Pimp Named" part. Yes Tom, everytime.

I can say that. I have a television show.

Whoever you hate will end up in your family. You don't like gays? You're gonna have a gay son. You don't like Puerto Ricans? Your daughter's gonna come home with Livin' La Vida Loca!

Just go up to somebody on the street and say "You're it!" and just run away.

If you don't think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD's and burn them.

Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place? There’s such balance in nature.

What is stand-up comedy?

Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.

It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.

In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.