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Best short quotes
I got a safe full of cherries ‘cause I pop it and lock it.
Tonight's show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn't - haven't made my mind up yet.
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we have no idea where she is.
I have a jar at home, and I put pennies in it whenever I curse. The other day I spilled the jar. I owe it about $25.
Don't argue! You cannot win, you cannot beat a woman in a argument. It's impossible you will not win. Cause men, we are handicapped when it comes to arguing cause we have a need to make sense
A sail boat that sails backwards can never see the sun rise.
Head gear, plus acne equals...table for one in the cafeteria.
My father always used to say, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger," - 'til the accident.
What is stand-up comedy?
Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.
It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.
In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.
