Best short quotes

What shall we call our son so he does not get the shit kicked out of him at school? We shall call him Englebert Humperdink! Yes, that'll work.

I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I'm good at everything.

I loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against drugs.' You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.

Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.

If the terrorists hated freedom, the Netherlands would be fucking dust.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same.

I really hope cell phones aren't bad for us, but I would like the excuse: 'I can't talk right now. You're giving me cancer.'

Jesus loves you... He's not 'in love' with you.

What is stand-up comedy?

Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.

It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.

In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.