Best short quotes

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

“No comment” is a comment.

I think they named oranges before they named carrots. "What are those?" "Those are orange... oranges." "And what are those?" "Ah, shit. Tall pointies? Are we going by shapes now?"

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no fucking sense make.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said "her brothers got a moustache!"