Best short quotes

I was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy.

At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it.

I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I'm just like "shut up, shut up, shut up...blah blah blah blah blaaaaah."

New white people, you can't scare these white people, I tried.

I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad." I'd say, "Yeah? When?"

In those days the best painkiller was ice; it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.

If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?

White people, you did not get a receipt for niggas, you can not return us!

I thought "RV" stood for "Recreational Vehicle." No! It stands for "Ruins Vacations."

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

What is stand-up comedy?

Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.

It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.

In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.