Best short quotes

You like cheese without the corners, in other words you’ll never be a slice bitch!

The thing about tennis is: no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They're relentless.

Every group of brothers should have at least one white guy in it. Im serious for safety, cuz when the shit goes down someone is gonna need to talk to the police.

My greatest hero is Nelson Mandela……incarcerated for 25 years, he was released in 1990, he’s been out about 18 years now……and he hasn’t reoffended.

I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."

I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.

What do atheists scream when they come?"

If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid.

Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia. This is true, they proved this one. The word dyslexia was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.

There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.

What is stand-up comedy?

Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.

It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.

In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.