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Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.
Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.
One thing I hope I'll never be is drunk with my own power. And anybody who says I am will never work in this town again.
Two wrongs do not make a right; but three rights make a left.
I hate those e-mails where they try to sell you penis enhancers. I got ten just the other day. Eight of them from my girlfriend. It's the two from my mum that really hurt.
I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.
My girlfriend and I went to a dinner party the other night and we ended up playing charades. There was another couple there that was deaf. They were so good.
A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.
My father was a beekeeper before me, his father was a beekeeper. I want to follow in their footsteps. And their footsteps were like this. (Runs screaming) AAAAAAAH! I'm covered in beeeeees!