Best short quotes

Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.

One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like "hey, there's an asshole."

Hello niggas, Hello bitches! Ladies I hope you don't mind me calling you bitches cuz I don't know you all by name.

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

Catholic — which I was until I reached the age of reason.

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'

I hate seeing people that look like you. Especially if God's living by the motto 'If at first you don't succeed'

I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint afraid to go back to prison.

The worst thing to do is to die while reading LIFE magazine.

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

What is stand-up comedy?

Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.

It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.

In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.