Best short quotes

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

A big girl once came up to me after a show and said "I think you're fatist." I said "No, no. I think you're fattest."

I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.

Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.

I'm Dave Chappelle and I'm a chronic masturbator.

My wife was a beautiful woman before we had children.

The thing about tennis is: no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They're relentless.

I'm from a little place called England ... We used to run the world before you.

They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.

What is stand-up comedy?

Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.

It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.

In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.