Best short quotes

[Seeing Benny's breast implants] My God, Mom! You swallowed a bouncy house!

You just be honest about who you are, and if you don’t end up with any friends then good for you.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes.

I find his films about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck and discovering there's a gas bill tied to it. [On Charlie Chaplin]

My name is "A Pimp named? Slickback" Wait.......A Pimp ??? .....Named Slickback. Yes, please say the whole thing if you would. Yes, that includs the "A Pimp Named" part. Yes Tom, everytime.

I'll walk up to a woman, I'll say the first thing that comes to mind: 'Hey, you hungry?'

I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.

Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

The thing about tennis is: no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They're relentless.