Best short quotes

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

And even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you don't gotta go to no doctor to get it taken out, whoever shot you will take they bullet back! "I believe you have my property!"

I shouldn't be near Vegas and have money in my pocket.

I lived with a guy who had OCD and I used to put Rice Krispies in his slippers before I went out. He went mental, but not before he counted them all.

I have a deep and profound mistrust of all politicians.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty."

You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.

I'd shake his hand, but I think that's what's holding up his pants.

I’ve never really thought of myself as depressed as much as paralyzed by hope.

What is stand-up comedy?

Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.

It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.

In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.