Best short quotes

I'll tell you why we make fun of midgets: We're not afraid of them.

For those of you who don't speak French, by the way, all of that was fucking funny.

You should be as alive as you can, until you're totally dead!

I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I… don’t.

A kiss is like a fight, with mouths.

I say no to gay marriage. It'll end up leading to gay divorce, and that'll be bitchy.

A black man failing black history... ain't that some sad shit..... cuz you know, fat people don't fail cooking!

Here is a tip for all you young people drinking wine. With pasta, drink white wine. With steak, drink red wine. And if you're vegan, you're annoying.

Apparently the guards put sperm in Paris Hilton’s porridge when she was in prison. That’s got to be horrible for her. “Eurgh! There’s porridge in this!”

What is stand-up comedy?

Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.

It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.

In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.