Best short quotes

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian...

I don't make it in regular channels, and that's okay for me.

When I first saw a strap on, I put it on my head and ran around like a rhino.

And the last place you wanna be, In a motherfuckin' foot race, is behind the mothafucka with no goddamn foots.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant…because I believe in myself.

I was walking down the street with a friend, and he said, "I hear music." As if there was any other way you can take it in. That's how I receive it too. You're not special.

I hate niggas! I hate em! I wish they'd let me join the Ku Klux Klan!

I was looking at a bottle of water; they have nutritional facts printed on the side. You know, I'm no chemist, but I have a rough idea what's in water.

What is stand-up comedy?

Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.

It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.

In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.