Best short quotes

And my friend is black, But I don't know what to call him. So I just call him Jamal Even though his name is Steve.

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.

I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.

Does anyone find it ironic how a program aimed at old people is called 'Countdown'?

Do you think pandas know they’re Chinese and they’re taking the one child policy a bit too seriously?

The Devil: Atheists? Over here please. You must be feeling a right bunch of nitwits.

If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?

Leave me alone, Baldrick. If I wanted to talk to a vegetable, I would have bought one at the market.

The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.

I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.

What is stand-up comedy?

Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.

It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.

In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.