Best short quotes

Wow. ... That's a good question. ... Is `I don't know' an acceptable answer?

My name is "A Pimp named? Slickback" Wait.......A Pimp ??? .....Named Slickback. Yes, please say the whole thing if you would. Yes, that includs the "A Pimp Named" part. Yes Tom, everytime.

I do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it's a little protective.

He comes back with the script, and it's racist like a 1940's Newspaper.

Its too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin’ around here.

Your baby is supposed to like Skittles, you ignorant bitch!

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

Why do we always have the wrong number? You might have the wrong fucking house!

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

A black man failing black history... ain't that some sad shit..... cuz you know, fat people don't fail cooking!

What is stand-up comedy?

Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.

It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.

In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.