Best short quotes

And my friend is black, But I don't know what to call him. So I just call him Jamal Even though his name is Steve.

I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too!

Who are them blokes, the jockeys? Who are they, three foot high fucking hobbits in a pimps outift!

Head gear, plus acne equals...table for one in the cafeteria.

I have to stop crying when I watch "The View". It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.

I was in my friends garage, and he had; a kite, a yo-yo, and a boomerang. I was like "Dude, you have abandonment issues"

If you ain't got no job and you ain't smokin no weed, I dont know what the fuck you are doing with yo life.

We're all products of our parents: all your mother's traits are in the egg and all your father's traits are in the sperm. And if I know my parents, that sperm and egg had a fight.

When I first saw a strap on, I put it on my head and ran around like a rhino.

Most people think white people can't dance. Truth is, white people be too fucked up to dance.

What is stand-up comedy?

Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.

It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.

In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.