Best short quotes

In every circle of friends there's always that one person everyone secretly hates. Don't have one? Then it's probably you.

Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.

I drew the duck blue because I've never seen a blue duck before and, to be honest with you I wanted to see a blue duck.

Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies … a man lie is, "I was at Kevin's house!" A woman lie is like, "It's your baby!"

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

My ex-girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to like to dress up as herself and then act like a f*ckin' bitch all the time.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

What is stand-up comedy?

Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.

It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.

In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.