Best short quotes

Just yesterday you were my little girl on a tricycle. Now you're a young woman in a car, running over a little girl on a tricycle.

We are now the proud owners of a white boy. Now we have to shop in the caucasian isle and get sunscreen, mayonaise and mild salsa because the other ones really hawt!

I was at Michael Jackson's house, and this kid runs out, 'Wait, save me!'

I shouldn't be near Vegas and have money in my pocket.

Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.

Why would you beat up on a gay guy? I'm all for kickin' ass, but let's take out the enemy, you know, some good-looking straight dude with a nice car and job.

Well u tell cancer I said I'ma shoot him twice me, by myself, all day, everyday, wakeup, go back to sleep, you wanna go night night nigga? everybody go night night everybody go night night

There's a thin line between to laugh with and to laugh at.

EGGS! They're not a food, they belong in no group! They're just farts clothed in substance!

I'm actually pretty athletic. I have to work out just to look fat.

What is stand-up comedy?

Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.

It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.

In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.