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Best short quotes
Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven?
Until Ace Ventura, no actor had considered talking through his ass.
Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.
My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you -- I hope she meets somebody nice.
Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
I’m a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.
I'm what you'd call ethnically Catholic. Don't believe in God, still hate Rangers...
Never turn down an opportunity to shout "Fuck them all!" at the top of your voice.
I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
