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Kristen Stewart always looks like she’s posing for pictures taken in a basement by her creepy uncle.
I feel like having a baby and having a dog are pretty much the same except for the part where your vagina gets ruined.
Don't boo people! Don't boo! Be more specific! Like, "WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?! I HATE THAT! I HATE IT!"
When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'
I don't care if people think I am an overactor, as long as they enjoy what I do. People who think that would call Van Gogh an overpainter.
If you find yourself lost in the woods, build a house. "Well, I was lost, but now I live here!"
Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.
Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
Guys who talk about their ex-girlfriend are like girls who talk about their farts.
What is stand-up comedy?
Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.
It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.
In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.
