Best short quotes

It's difficult isn't it, when you're in a Mosque and everyone's praying and you really enjoy leapfrog.

Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.

I ain't shooting nobody, so call me a faggot. When the war's over, I'll be the faggot with two legs.

I love doing comedy, you guys. I knew comedy was for me when I was the only Asian in high school that failed math. But you know, when I failed, eight other students around me failed, too.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

I'm not addicted to coke, i just love the way it smells

If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk, and spoons make you fat.

Dick's and vagina's are like Coke and Pepsi, I strongly prefer one but my dad thinks they both taste the same.

My wife had her drivers test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.

You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.