Best short quotes

The worst thing to do is to die while reading LIFE magazine.

Girls are supposed to dance. That's why god gave them parts that jiggle.

A good story is always you doing something wrong, you know? That's why nice people are so damn boring. I mean, they're nice, but their stories suck.

Here is a tip for all you young people drinking wine. With pasta, drink white wine. With steak, drink red wine. And if you're vegan, you're annoying.

God old people on coaches! F*ck they go past you at light speed! You can see their faces all up the back window!

Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.

Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven?

I went into a clothes store and a lady came up to me and said "if you need anything, I'm Jill". I've never met anyone with a conditional identity before.

I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger". You might think that's pretty cool. She doesn't like it.

Barack Obama may be black, but John McCain is the first Albino presidential candidate: he's completely see-through!

What is stand-up comedy?

Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.

It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.

In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.