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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
I DON'T have EX's! I have Y's. Like 'Y the hell did I date you?!'
Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.
You know you're an alcoholic when the bartender knows your name... and you've never been to that bar before.
Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.
I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul
My legs tired, ain't your legs tired!? His legs ain't Tired! He Just... Tinktinktinktinktinktink, TinktinkTinktinkTinktink!! Just paperclips and Sparks everywhere!
No one wants to get their ass beat to a soundtrack.
Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.