Best short quotes

I was in my friends garage, and he had; a kite, a yo-yo, and a boomerang. I was like "Dude, you have abandonment issues"

Every day starts, my eyes open and I reload the program of misery. I open my eyes remember who I am, what I'm like, and I just go "ugh...."

You know you're getting fat when your socks don't fit.

Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet ... you can hide but you can't run.

I'm not addicted to coke, i just love the way it smells

I'm quite a compulsive person—I only worked this out recently—I'm compulsive, but I'm also very indecisive. I don't know what I want, but I know that I want it now.

Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven?

If you don't think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD's and burn them.