Best short quotes

When I heard they were trying and get rid of the word "nigga", I told my accountant to buy 800 shares of "coon".

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.

I hate seeing people that look like you. Especially if God's living by the motto 'If at first you don't succeed'

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. "What do you do?" "I'm a match maker" "Aw, that's really romantic" "No, umm... I actually... never mind"

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don’t smoke… tumors.