Funny Kevin Hart quotes

Well u tell cancer I said I'ma shoot him twice me, by myself, all day, everyday, wakeup, go back to sleep, you wanna go night night nigga? everybody go night night everybody go night night

I think if you get kicked in the face you deserved it because that means that you watched the foot come to your face.

One time, she got me so mad, we got into a fist fight. You know how you know when you lost a fight to your woman? When the cops come to your house and ask you do you want to press charges. That's how you know it didn't go as you planned.

How do people shit on themselves when they are sleeping? That's some nasty shit....like what kinda sick dream were you having that caused that.

You like cheese without the corners, in other words you’ll never be a slice bitch!

Ever argue with a female and, in the middle of the argument, you no longer feel safe because of her actions? She may start pacing back and forth real fast, breathing out her nose. You know what my girl do? When she get mad, she start talking in the third person. That's scary as hell because that's her way of telling me that from this point on, she is not responsible for none of her actions.

I DON'T have EX's! I have Y's. Like 'Y the hell did I date you?!'

Who ever invented ALCOHOL should be shot immediately, Hangovers are the worst... I swear it feels like a fat baby is kicking me in the head.

How the hell do you wake up dead?

My baby is weird man... when he get mad, he gets in the oven.