Funny quotes about baby
Steven Wright quotesBabies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
Sarah Silverman quotes
Tina Fey quotesA Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby's temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who's boss.
I had to get back to work. NBC has me under contract. The baby and I only have a verbal agreement.
"I can't believe you recently had a baby. How do you do it?" [pause] The baby starts to come down...and once that happens you can't-it comes out. Whether you let it or not, the baby comes out. So that's how I did it.
Chris Rock quotesMen lie the most, women tell the biggest lies … a man lie is, "I was at Kevin's house!" A woman lie is like, "It's your baby!"
Oh the abortion issue, it's a woman's issue. When a woman get pregnant, she don't want to hear shit from the man. Fuck you, motherfuck you, I don't need you. Unless she decides to have the baby and she's like, "Where my check?"
Lee Evans quotesI slept really well last night, I slept like a baby: I pissed the bed four times... and woke up crying five.
Bob Monkhouse quotesMy mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.
Katt Williams quotesJust saying ladies, stop worrying about shit that don't matter. some of you that had some babies, now you got some stretch marks, walking around the house bitter. Blaming the baby, showing the baby your highschool picture, talking about 'LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME!
Kevin Hart quotesWho ever invented ALCOHOL should be shot immediately, Hangovers are the worst... I swear it feels like a fat baby is kicking me in the head.
Amy Schumer quotes[Baby Safety Ads] It says, 'It's safest to let them sleep alone, especially if you drink, use drugs or are overweight.' Yeah, I thought that was weird, too. But if you think about it, if you're drunk, stoned or really fat, in the middle of the night, that baby might look delicious. I've eaten weirder things.
