Funny Chris Rock quotes

A man is only as faithful as his options.

A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House.

Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four.

Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special.

Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Don't argue! You cannot win, you cannot beat a woman in a argument. It's impossible you will not win. Cause men, we are handicapped when it comes to arguing cause we have a need to make sense

Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.

Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.

Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near forty.

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.