Funny quotes about knife
Louis C.K. quotesI'm buying a Cinnabon...at the airport...I arrived at. You understand why that's extra disgusting, right?. Because when you're at the airport you're leaving from you can say "Oh, I gotta eat. I need some food, because I might be trapped in the sky forever so I should eat right now." But I've landed. The trip is over. I'm 20 minutes from my house where I got bananas and apples and shit. And I'm sitting on my luggage just fuckin eating a Cinnabon with a fork and knife."
Emo Phillips quotesIn our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
Dave Attell quotesI'm drinking Jack and I started blackin out. You ever black out? Or as I call it, time travel? You ever do that? Oh yeah! You know how it is -- you're drinking, you black out. You wake up, you're in another bar. You're drinking, you black out. You wake up, you're playing that knife game with a half-Indian somewhere in North Dakota, "Yeah! Yeah! Winner fixes the tranny! Yeah". You're drinking, you black out. You wake up, you're in White Castle -- working there 3 years, STILL not assistant manager. Your buddies tell you to quit, but you can't 'cause you're banging the slow girl on the fry-o-later. They say she's a little retarded, but those titties ain't retarded!
Milton Jones quotes
Rodney Dangerfield quotesI came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
Jerry Seinfeld quotesThe Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews, Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe clippers right here.
Dov Davidoff quotesWe were standing next to this guy with a bandana and a tattooed teardrop and a knife, and I said to my friend, 'I don't want to hang out here.' My friend said, 'Don't judge people.' I said, 'The dude's got a knife.' He said, 'He could be a chef.'
Noel Fielding quotesWhen I was 14, I saw someone getting their face and wrists slashed with a knife in a pub in Catford. Nobody lifted a finger. That's when I realised that violence wasn't funny. At all.
Frankie Boyle quotesScottish people aren't all that friendly are they I once saw an English guy in Glasgow trying to order a pint of lager and lime and the barman went: We don't do cocktails. They've got a good thing at Scottish football games where you're not allowed to bring food to the ground and they actually search you, when you're going in, to make sure you've not got food on you. It's nice to see we've got our fucking priorities right isn't it? What's this sir? A knife. I hope you weren't planning on making sandwiches. Now we've got a Scottish guy who's the number one British tennis player. I've not checked my Nostradamus but isn't that one of the harbingers of the apocalypse? The only time I've previously seen a Scottish guy playing tennis, it was someone playing charades attempting to mime the word homosexual.
Redd Foxx quotesI carry a knife now because I read in a white magazine that all black people carry knives. So I rushed out and bought me one.
