Funny Steve Harvey quotes

Men respect standards - get some!

You're an investigator - can't nobody find stuff out like a woman. Y'all put the police to shame, make the little investigative tricks they show on CSI and Law & Order: SVU look like counting lessons on Sesame Street.

If you pray about it don't worry about it. If you're going to worry about it don't pray about it.

The only way woman can truly be completely satisfied is to get herself four different men--an old one, an ugly one, a Mandingo, and a gay guy.

Don't hate the player; change the game.

Comedians walk out, get a feel for the crowd. If it's not going good, we change directions. If we got to drag your momma into this thing, we will. Whatever we got to do.

God lets you be successful because he trusts you that you will do the right thing with it. Now, does he get disappointed often? All the time, because people get there and they forget how they got it.

T-bone you can't talk to Ced like that, just cause your life is messed up. It ain't his fault your third wife left you for your second wife.

I was looking at my coffin choices, I was thinking about getting the player's special, the one with the diamo.

Look dawg, I know selling the tickets was wrong. But look, I took the 2 grand I made and bought Lovita a real nice rolex watch. So I got 1950 left.

I can't go to jail, not with his soft skin and these boyish good looks. I'll be snapped up before the first lights out!

This year, all students WILL be wearing clothes under their graduation outfits or we will press charges!

Do you know any other Steve Harvey quotes?

Help us to expand our database and send best quotes from Steve Harvey you know by using the form below. No quotes? No worries! You can share any bit of funny information, piece of trivia too or tell a story about this comedian here too!