Best insightful quotes
A list of top quotes which users tagged as insightful.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them.
You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it's your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You're probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you're gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Always do whatever's next.
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
I'm a postmodern vegetarian. I eat meat ironically.
I wonder what the word for dots looks like in Braille.
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
My friend had a burrito. The next day he said, "That burrito did not agree with me." I was like, 'was the disagreement over whether or not you'd have diarrhea? Let me guess who won.' "I tried to reason with it, I insisted, you know. I was like, 'I wanna go outside, I like these pants, but the burrito had his way."
'Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say... sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of... it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like... after "I love you"... or "You're going to live"... or "It's a boy!"
I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flip-flops, you're saying: "Hope I don't get chased today. Be nice to people in sneakers."
Have you noticed every time there's a murderer on the loose they have that advert pop up from B&Q - "this week, hatchets, half price!"
I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already.
Ladies, next time your man pisses you off, do not give him the silent treatment. Instead, go Google the most important game of the season, sit next to him during that game and just ask as many f**king questions as possible. 'I don't understand, who's that guy in the striped shirt? Does he work at Foot Locker? I don't understand, why are they all wearing the same outfit? When are we going to have a baby?' Eventually he will shoot himself in the face, and you f**king win that argument.
I keep it very family-friendly, ... Every now and then I’ll slip a little bit, but that’s just the way I perform.
Big time, ... I’m always ready for TV. I don’t have to edit my jokes — when you work clean, you can work anywhere.
I got off the plane -- I was walking and cooking at the same time.
This was my attempt to deter cold callers: "There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone."