Funny Bob Hope quotes

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

Remember me? The Macaulay Culkin of 1927.

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.

I need money. I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.

It's so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn't know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He's always had an agent do that.

Everything Reagan does, Gorbachev does him one better. Reagan wears the flag of his country on his lapel. Gorby wears the map of his country on his forehead.

He rules the country with an iron fist - the same way he plays the piano.

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.

I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.