Funny Bob Saget quotes

Norm is such a horrible gambler, he bet Jon Lovitz would be funny tonight.

Jon Lovitz. Jon, your act is like masturbation: you're the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.

They say the measure of a man is judged by the company he keeps. [ looks around] I'm fucked.

Fuck you all and suck my hundred million dollar cock!

Marijuana is not a drug!!! I used to suck dick for coke! You ever suck DICK for marijuana?

Because I am a fuckin' genius... according to my gynecologist, who said "That clitoris is gigantic."

My dad's like, "If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny, can I win ten-thousand dollars?"

You know, it's really rude to yell at your cock in front of people, and I apologize.

I have the brain of a German Shepard and the body of 16-year-old boy. They’re both in my car and I want you to see them.

My wife is a saint. She’s Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won’t eat.

I don't like the negative of reality tv - the 'you're no good, so you have to leave, I choose you, but I thought you really loved me.' It's all about how bad people are and I just hate that. I like Pimp my Ride where someone is helping somebody.

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