Funny Sarah Silverman quotes

And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school.

But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it's funny enough.

I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it.

I enjoy the last quarter of all basketball games.

I have a ton of Holocaust stuff, and some of it is really hard core.

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

I'm Jewish, but I'm totally not.

I was going to get an abortion the other day. I totally wanted an abortion. And it turns out I was just thirsty.

Guess what, Martin Luther King? I had a (expletive) dream, too.

What the fuck am I doing?

I'll tell you why we make fun of midgets: We're not afraid of them.

You have to be able to laugh at yourself. That's what I tell Asian people all the time.

You got it, doll, I was curious to see which Courtney Love was going to show up: the smeared-lipstick crazy coke whore or the violent smeared-lipstick crazy coke whore.

Strippers should be role-models for little girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes.

When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS, by the way - make lemonAIDS.