Comedian Rowan Atkinson

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

We are in the stickiest situation since sticky the stick insect got stuck on a sticky bun.

Your head is as empty as a hermit's address book.

Leave me alone, Baldrick. If I wanted to talk to a vegetable, I would have bought one at the market.

A man may fight for many things. His country, his friends, his principles, the glistening ear on the cheek of a golden child. But personally, I'd mud-wrestle my own mother for a ton of cash, an amusing clock and a sack of French porn.