Funny Rowan Atkinson quotes

Your services might be as useful as a barber’s shop on the steps of a guillotine.

I'm as poor as a church mouse, that's just had an enormous tax bill on the very day his wife ran off with another mouse, taking all the cheese.

I find his films about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck and discovering there's a gas bill tied to it. [On Charlie Chaplin]

Your head is as empty as a hermit's address book.

As I was leaving this morning, I said to myself 'the last thing you must do is forget your speech.' And sure enough, as I left the house this morning, the last thing I did was to forget my speech.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

Quite a nasty piece of work. Not the sort of person you'd want to have dinner with.

We are in the stickiest situation since sticky the stick insect got stuck on a sticky bun.

[To a whore] Blackadder: Look, if I'd wanted a lecture on the rights of man, I'd have gone to bed with Martin Luther.

I've no desire to hang around with a bunch of upper-class delinquents, do twenty minutes' work and then spend the rest of the day loafing about in Paris drinking gallons of champagne and having dozens of moist, pink, highly experienced French peasant girls galloping up and down my - hang on...

A man may fight for many things. His country, his friends, his principles, the glistening ear on the cheek of a golden child. But personally, I'd mud-wrestle my own mother for a ton of cash, an amusing clock and a sack of French porn.

I have come up with a plan so cunning you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel.

Leave me alone, Baldrick. If I wanted to talk to a vegetable, I would have bought one at the market.

[to Baldrick] Unless I think of something, tomorrow we go to meet our Maker: in my case God, in your case God knows.

Oh, something’s *always* wrong, Balders… the fact that I’m not a millionaire aristocrat, with the sexual capacity of a rutting rhino, is a constant niggle.

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