Funny Yakov Smirnoff quotes

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list.

Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there.

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.

In America you can always find a party. In Russia the party always finds you.

In Russia, if a male athelete loses he becomes a female athelete.

The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.

(When asked by Johnny Carson what he liked most about living in the United States versus living in Russia.) "Warning shots. In the U.S. the police shoot in the air -- in Russia they shoot straight ahead, that's warning for the next guy."

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