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Woody Allen quotes
86 funny quotes, stand-up comedy jokes, sayings and citations by comedian Woody Allen.
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I'm not a drinker — my body will not tolerate spirits. I had two Martinis on New Year's Eve and I tried to hijack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.
And how does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket?
Eternity is a very long time, especially towards the end.
I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.
Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.
