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Woody Allen quotes
86 funny quotes, stand-up comedy jokes, sayings and citations by comedian Woody Allen.
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I remember when I was a little boy, I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in Braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.
I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself.
When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be.
My brain: it's my second favorite organ.
Sex and death are two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.
What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!
..years of insanity have made this guy crazy!
Between the Pope and air conditioning, I'd choose air conditioning.
I feel sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.
