Funny Woody Allen quotes

What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!

..years of insanity have made this guy crazy!

Between the Pope and air conditioning, I'd choose air conditioning.

I feel sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.

I'm not a drinker — my body will not tolerate spirits. I had two Martinis on New Year's Eve and I tried to hijack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.

And how does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket?

Eternity is a very long time, especially towards the end.

I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.

Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.

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