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Woody Allen quotes
86 funny quotes, stand-up comedy jokes, sayings and citations by comedian Woody Allen.
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In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
Marriage is the death of hope.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
