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Woody Allen quotes
86 funny quotes, stand-up comedy jokes, sayings and citations by comedian Woody Allen.
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I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
