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Woody Allen quotes
86 funny quotes, stand-up comedy jokes, sayings and citations by comedian Woody Allen.
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How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
