Funny Will Ferrell quotes

Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.

Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which, of course, in German means a whale's vagina.

Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time.

Here's the deal I'm the best there is. Plain and simple. I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.

I just took a test this morning. Yeah, at the free clinic for hepatitis. I kicked ass, too. I got an A, two B's and a C.

Hey. They laughed at Louis Armstrong when he said he was gonna go to the moon. Now he's up there, laughing at them.

I swear, I'm so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she's of age, I'm putting her in a home.

In every circle of friends there's always that one person everyone secretly hates. Don't have one? Then it's probably you.

Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with the internet.

Every gay guys GPS system would tell him to Go straight.

If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk, and spoons make you fat.

James Caan told me at the end of filming 'Elf' that he had been waiting through the whole film for me to be funny - and I never was.

I'm actually pretty athletic. I have to work out just to look fat.

... people are always asking, Tiger, how do you do it, and my answer is shut up ... I ask the questions around here, I'm Tiger Woods ...

I always forced myself to do crazy things in public. In college I would push an overhead projector across campus with my pants just low enough to show my butt.