Funny Wanda Sykes quotes

Lot Of Strip Clubs in Florida...good grief...Florida has so many strip clubs, they need to change their state flag to a brass pole

I went to this one strip club with the guys after the show and we get to the strip club and they actually tried to charge me a cover, can you believe that...you want me to pay...I was like pay are you out your damn mind..come on man I brought my own titties"

Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.

I guess because of my act, people think that I say things they want to say, and that they can just come up and say anything to me.

I'm here today because I hated everything else.

If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you.

Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.

Usually, there's nothing being thrown toward the stage or at me. Then I feel pretty good about it.

I hate when women compare men to dogs. Men are not dogs. Dogs are loyal. I’ve never found any strange panties in my dog’s house.

I have nephews. They love spending time with us. T they love it because we let them do whatever they want to do - they're not our kids, we don't care. 'Only thing I have to do is keep you alive, that's it.' They come visit us, man - 'Oh what? Oh, no dinner? Alright, fine, hey - ice cream all day, how about that? I don't have to cook a damn thing. Just scoop it out. There you go. Eat up. I don't pay your dental bills.'

I don't understand this whole Elvis thing. There are dead people in my family that we miss and love dearly, but shoot, we don't dress up like them and do impressions. I'll show up at the family reunion in a dirty t-shirt and a bald cap - 'Look, everybody, I'm Uncle Earl.'