Funny Todd Barry quotes
I love chicken. I would eat chicken fingers on Thanksgiving if it were socially acceptable.
Buddha, much like everyone else has good and bad days.
I don't feel I'm even worthy of a normal amount of value.
I am the the type to have a personal experience with a celebrity, but I'm too classy to bring that up.
I tour the South, though, I do. I love touring the South. Some people up North are afraid of the South, it's weird. I'll do a show in, like, Alabama. I'll tell someone I did a show in Alabama and they'll be like, "Oh my God! What was that like?" Oh, you know, chairs, a microphone. Oh, I'm sorry, I know what you're looking for. I'll tell you what it was like. Well, I flew into Birmingham. The Imperial Wizard from the Klan picked me up at the airport. Rode to the club on the back of an old mule. Tried to get a joke out over the shouts of "jewboy go home." At the end of the night I go "Where's my check?" They go, "You're not gettin' a check. You're gettin' this bag of porkrinds." Is that the answer you were looking for, you narrow-minded fake-liberal fuck?
I don't really know much about pirates, or pirate culture. I'd be a contrarian pirate.
I'm traveling the world, ripping rooms apart with my stupendous comedy.
I had temping jobs also. I liked the flexibility. There was no asking for time off; you just didn't work.
I'd rather send out a mass email then hang posters all over the place.
I do not like sports, unless you consider treating all humankind with love and respect a sport.
I got access to a private tour of the zoo. I got to go in a cage with a koala, which I highly recommend.
That guy who manages the vegetarian restaurant got a pretty severe haircut.
The grocery store near my house closes at 8:25. -- Todd Barry, on the hours of the grocery store near his house
Do you know any other Todd Barry quotes?
Help us to expand our database and send best quotes from Todd Barry you know by using the form below. No quotes? No worries! You can share any bit of funny information, piece of trivia too or tell a story about this comedian here too!