Funny Roseanne Barr quotes

People say to me, “You’re not feminine.” Well, they can just suck my dick.

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.

The most out-there thing I’m saying is, ‘Don’t have babies. Don’t get married and have kids. Have a larger life than that.'

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.

It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on

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