Funny Robin Williams quotes

Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.

Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: "You've just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer." Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, "It's five o'clock in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time."

But only in their dreams can men be truly free It was always thus and always thus will be.

We were talking briefly about cocaine...yeah. Anything that makes you paranoid and impotent, give me more of that!

The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!

And the French! The French have a bomb too! Maybe they have the Michelin Bomb- ah! Only destroys restaurants under four stars! They are the one of the only people that still test their bombs! Where do they do it? In the Sahara, in the total wasteland? No, fuck off! In Tahiti! In paradise. Why? Because we're French. Oh, look, a Greenpeace boat coming to protest- fuck off, I sink you.

[Imitating a Frenchman] Fuck you Americans! Uncultured, crass Americans! We hate all of you! Fu- the Germans are here! Hello Americans! We love you!

And some people say Jesus wasn't Jewish. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents, come on! He works in his father's business, his mom thought he was God's gift, he's Jewish! Give it up!

And if you want a linguistic adventure, go drinking with a Scotsman. Cause you can't fucking understand them before.

I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."

I walked into my son's room the other day, and he's got four screens going at the same time. He's watching a movie on one screen, playing a game on another, downloading something on this one, texting on that one, people say "He's got ADD." Fuck that, he's multitasking.

When I was growing up they used to say, "Robin, drugs can kill you." Now that I'm 58 my doctor's telling me, "Robin, you need drugs to live." I realize now that my doctor is also my dealer...

You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.

Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go "omg, omg, wtf, zzz"? Is that rude?

I went to rehab [for alcoholism] in wine country, just to keep my options open.