Funny Robin Williams quotes
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
Do you think God gets stoned? I think so . . . look at the platypus.
God gave men a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say "Stop, or I'll say stop again."
When in doubt, go for the dick joke.
I like my wine like my women -- ready to pass out.
Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
Politics: “Poli” a Latin word meaning “many”; and "tics" meaning “bloodsucking creatures”.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
We Americans, we're a simple people . . . but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.
We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like 'We have to get rid of dictators,' but he's pretty much one himself.
Comedy is acting out optimism.
Cricket is basically baseball on valium.
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