Funny quotes about women

I like my coffee like I like my a plastic cup.

I like my coffee like I like my women...covered in beeees!

I like my coffee hot and strong, like I like my women, hot and strong... with a spoon in them.

I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.

I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food.

That's the perfect microcosm for men and women: it takes a million sperm to find one egg 'cause they're all males and not one of them is gonna pull over and ask directions.

Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to.

I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.

Men look at breasts the way women look at babies. 'Aw, isn't that lovely.'

Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place? There’s such balance in nature.

The reason old man use Viagra is not that they are impotent. It's that old women are so very ugly.

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

I like my wine like my women -- ready to pass out.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

There's a reason it's called 'girls gone wild' and not 'women gone wild'. When girls go wild, they show their tits. When women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub.