Funny quotes about wife
Andy Rooney quotesMy wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes'. 'For Cripe's sake.' Who would that be -- Jesus Cripe's? The son of 'Gosh' of the church of 'Holy Moly'? I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?
Billy Connolly quotesPaddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. "Is this yours?" she asked "probably" said Paddy "she burns everything else"
Tommy Cooper quotesWell, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!
My wife had a go at me last night. She said, "You'll drive me to my grave." I had the car out in thirty seconds.
I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can’t get the cobwebs out of her hair.
Bob Saget quotes
Buddy Hackett quotesMy wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"
Frank Carson quotesI don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photograph of the wife."
My wife said to me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?" I said: "Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you."
My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror."
An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was.
A man says to his mate: "My wife is a twin." His mate says, "How do you tell them apart?" The man says: "Her brother has a beard."
I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
