I've done a bit of Latin in my time...but I can control it.
There's not much makeup in the army, is there? No. They only have that nighttime look, and that's a bit slapdash, isn't it?
And the druids, they were into sex and death in an interesting night-time telly sort of way.
I think the English are bipolar. ‘We’re the greatest, no we’re terrible’ – that’s a constant English struggle. Crime is down, there’s little poverty – yet it’s always the worst time to have lived here.
This is the first time that Irish people go: ‘You’re going to England? Sure it’s full of terrorists. Come to Ireland. We’ve no terrorists. They’re all playwrights now.’
Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'
The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents -- 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years -- what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'
Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.
I freely admit I'm confused. I'm a confused and troubled individual but at the same time...Its Free!
I think holidays create so much pressure because people feel they should be having a good time. But you shouldn't.
It 's the time of year when Canadians mate.
People sometimes say to me: "Craig, get out of my garden."
The legendary Dick Van Dyke on the show tonight. The actor not the pubic beard style. Although... maybe it's time for something new.
Big time, ... I’m always ready for TV. I don’t have to edit my jokes — when you work clean, you can work anywhere.
I got off the plane -- I was walking and cooking at the same time.
214 quotes1 videos
157 quotes0 videos
130 quotes3 videos
107 quotes4 videos
92 quotes10 videos