Funny quotes about tan

No one grows up saying 'I hope I work in an office one day?' And that fascinated me. People from 16 to 65 are just thrown together and that is a tantalizing mix,

Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.

So you gotta look at OJ's situation. He's paying $25,000 a month in alimony, got a another man driving around in his car and fucking his wife in a house he's still paying the mortgage on. Now I'm not saying he should have killed her... but I understand.

You know what GED stands for? Good Enough Diploma

Daddy pays for the water, daddy pays for the gas, daddy pays for the electricity, and if daddy didn't pay for the electricity, he'd pay for the candle on your nightstand, so you can study for the big test tomorrow.

When I heard they were trying and get rid of the word "nigga", I told my accountant to buy 800 shares of "coon".

Our grandparents fucking ate anything put in front of them! Your granddad would say "What's for tea, love?" "Tripe!" "Oooooohh! Animal stomach lining for fucking tea, man!" They ate anything, fucking monkey's phlegm, orangutang's bollocks. I dunno I'm just making them up now... chicken's quiff!

Militant feminists, I take my hat off to them, they don’t like that.

An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.

While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.

My wife is impossible. It is only safe to wake her from a distance, like Portugal.

Scientists have estimated that every person on earth has some atoms in their body from every other person who ever existed. Yikes. This means I have atoms in my body from Buddha, Jesus, Lincoln, Geronimo, Hitler, Attila the Hun, Lassie, and Marilyn Monroe. At least now I understand my mood swings.

To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of TV and don’t move.