Funny quotes about short
George Carlin quotes"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
Stewart Lee quotesAustralians are very proud of being from Australia. It's an interesting country, Australia. In Australia it's illegal not to vote. Australia has a compulsory democracy. Bizarrely, it's compulsory to vote in a country where the citizens are, to be fair, perhaps least equipped to make choices. It's not their fault. Australian life has not prepared the Australian for complex choices, cos every Australian day is like a sort of decision tree of simple binary choices. Sleep or wake? Shorts or swimming trunks? Beach or park? Smoothie or heroin? Hepatitis or skin cancer? Up at the end of a sentence... Or down.
Patton Oswalt quotesI have some shorter stories coming out in other books early next year. I might be pitching a re-vamp of Ghost Rider in the spring. We'll see.
Dave Attell quotesIf I need directions I'm not asking a man with one tooth, I'm asking a man with one leg. Cause he definitely knows the easiest way to get there. Yup, if there's a shortcut that one legged fucker knows where it is. You won't be hoppin fences neither.
Demetri Martin quotesA lot of people don't like bumper stickers. I don't mind bumper stickers. To me a bumper sticker is a shortcut. It's like a little sign that says "Hey, let's never hang out."
Some jokes are short and elegant, like a mathematical proof or a midget in a ball-gown.
Chris Rock quotesYou know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it's your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You're probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you're gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.
Rodney Dangerfield quotesMost of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.
Ted Alexandro quotesI'm still enjoying the single life. Went down to Mardi Gras a couple years ago, that was fun. I went with a buddy of mine. There were some girls up in a balcony. A chant goes up: 'Show your tits.' I joined the chant because I support the cause. The girls show 'em, we threw up some beads -- I figured that's the end of the transaction. Turns out they reciprocate with a chant of their own: 'We want c**k.' What do you do? Turns out, I had some c**k on me -- unfasten, unbutton, unzip -- beads showering down on me. Best moment of my entire life -- cut short: handcuffed, thrown against the wall. My friend runs off, but manages to get a picture before he does. I don't know a lot about prison, but I do know, handcuffed, with your pants down, covered in beads, is not a good way to arrive.
Martin Lawrence quotesThere better not be a black person in here that says they don't know nobody in jail... 'cause that's bullshit. Ray-Ray, Earl, Craig, Shorty Tim, Lil' Reg, all them motherfuckers in jail... Shonda's little brother... all of 'em, in jail... chillin'.
Adam Carolla quotesLet me tell you something about the porn industry... they're a little short on brains and a little high on coke, but they're scrappy.
Ellen DeGeneres quotesI'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.
Our attention span is short. We've all got Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD or OCD or one of these disorders with three letters because we don't have the time or patience to pronounce the entire disorder. That should be a disorder right there, TBD - Too Busy Disorder.
Rodney Carrington quotes[about masturbation] If God didn't want us to do it, he'd have made our arms shorter.
Bo Burnham quotesI'm Bo yo I'm the greatest rapper ever ever and I'll whether you weather, whether you think you better your not don't need a sweater im hot, im a really cool shorty who can really find your g-spot...what the fucks a g-spot.
