Funny quotes about shoes

Horseshoes are lucky. Horses have four bits of lucky nailed to their feet. They should be the luckiest animals in the world. They should rule the country. They should win all their horse races, at least. "In the fifth race today, every single horse was first equal...one horse threw a shoe came in third...the duck was ninth...and five ran."

I'm tired of this back-slapping "Isn't humanity neat?" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes, okay? That's all we are.

The most dangerous drink is gin. You have to be really, really careful with that. And you also have to be 45, female and sitting on the stairs. Because gin isn't really a drink, it's more a mascara thinner. "Nobody likes my shoes!" "I made... I made fifty... fucking vol-au-vents, and not one of you... not one of you... said 'Thank you.'" And my favourite: "Everybody, shut up. Shut up! This song is all about me."

Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes.

I have to go to this mall in Beijing to buy some clothes. I didn’t know this until I got there, but apparently in China I’m Shaquille O’Neal. I go to mall. I walk into the store. I’m like, “Hey, you got a 10.5/11 in those shoes?” “Ah no! How about an 8?” “How about I can’t negotiate my foot size with you?”

You know, a lot of people come to me and they say, "Steve, how can you be so fucking funny?" There's a secret to it, it's no big deal. Before I go out, I put a slice of bologna in each of my shoes. So when I'm on stage, I feel funny.

My father walked to school 4 o'clock every morning with no shoes on, uphill, both ways, in 5 feet of snow and he was thankful.

I was in Dayton, Ohio. You ever been there? Ya? You know what’s a fun thing to do there? Pack up and get the fuck outa there. It’s boring. During the day we played the game of horseshoes. That game must have been invented before fun, ‘cause it’s not. There’s only two ways for that game to end, either "This sucks let’s do something else," or "Owww, you hit me with the horseshoe."

My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There are a pair of shoes on the dashboard. they belong to the last guy she hit.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Angie, I've seen my mom wrestle two cops to the ground with a taser dart in her neck, and you cry when your shoes pinch. Good luck, Bambi!

I made out with a homeless guy by accident. I had no idea -- he was really tan, he had no shoes on. I just thought it was, like, his thang, you know? I was like, 'He's probably in a band.'

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes.

I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made around the corner."