Funny quotes about rain
Kristen Schaal quotesMel: What was your name again? Rain: Rain. Mel: Oh that's nice. Kind of like bad weather.
Lee Mack quotes
John Bishop quotesThere are some muscles I don’t think I need my personal trainer to find as I won’t be using them at my age anyway
Milton Jones quotesIf you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!
Jerry Seinfeld quotesI once had a leather jacket that got ruined in the rain. Why does moisture ruin leather? Aren't cows outside a lot of the time? When it's raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse, "Let us in! We're all wearing leather! Open the door! We're going to ruin the whole outfit here!"
Groucho Marx quotesI'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
Marc Maron quotesHave you ever had one of those moments when you look up and realize that you're one of those people you see on the train talking to themselves?
I just read an article in the paper the other day that, in an experiment, a medical experiment, they actually hooked up electrodes to the pleasure center of a lab monkey's brain and, at the flip of a switch, sent the monkey into perpetual orgasm. I've always been against animal testing, but where do I get the home game of this?
Amy Schumer quotesI hate false advertising, like 'Skittles: taste the rainbow.' No one's ever been like, 'Rainbow, right you guys?' Or what's Reese's? 'There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's.' Oh, really? Tell that to my uncle who used to put them in my underwear. Alright, maybe your uncles didn't love you.
Zach Galifianakis quotesFour years ago on this very day I tried to take my own life. And I said, "Zach, do it in front of your co-workers and end the misery." I don't know how many of you ever tried to jump off of a Pizza Hut, but you'll just get a sprained ankle out of the deal. Then you'll have to go back inside, and serve crazy bread.
Denis Leary quotesI'm sick and tired of our generation being called the TV generation. What do you expect? We watched Lee Harvey Oswald get his brains blown out all over. How could we change the channel after that?
Russell Howard quotesSilly things make you laugh and if they do, f*ck it. I was on a train and we went through a place called Didcot Ladygrove. I was laughing already, but my friend topped it by going, “I’ll bet that’s what the Queen calls her vagina.”
Adam Carolla quotesLet me tell you something about the porn industry... they're a little short on brains and a little high on coke, but they're scrappy.
Ellen DeGeneres quotesThe way I see it... If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you're doing, then your brain should probably be in on it too.
Jeff Foxworthy quotesWhen you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.
