Funny quotes about people

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.

Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.

One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it

People with Tourettes.....What makes them tick?

Throwing acid is wrong, in some people's eyes.

Has anyone seen me on Letterman? Two million people watch that show and I don't know where they are. You might have seen this next comedian on the Late Show, but I think more people have seen me at the store. That should be my introduction. "You might have seen this next comedian at the store," and people would say "Hell yes I have!"

I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people.