Funny quotes about people
Denis Leary quotesYeah, I love living in New York, man, and people who live in New York, we wear that fact like a badge right on our sleeve because we know that fact impresses everybody! I was in Vietnam. So what? I live in New York!
I'm gonna get famous. Then when my career starts to flag, I'm gonna go into a three month fucking bender, OK? Coke, and fucking pot, and smack, and fucking booze, and drive over people, and beat up my kids, go into therapy, go into rehab, come outta rehab, be on the cover of People magazine, and go Sorry! I fucked up!
Most people think, "Life sucks, and then you die." I disagree. I think life sucks. Then you get cancer. Then you go into chemotherapy. You lose all your hair, you feel bad about yourself. Then all of the sudden the cancer goes into remission, and then all of the sudden you have a stroke. You can't move your right side. And then, maybe, you die.
And you can't smoke in any of this coffee places. Can't smoke at Starbucks, can't smoke in dunkin' doughnuts... I'm pretty sure coffee was invented by people who were smoking anyways. And they just wanted to invent something so they can stay up late and SMOKE FUCKIN' MORE! That's my theory. Just ask me or Columbo, he'll back me up on this one.
Russell Howard quotesHave people always been this angry? I’ve got a funny idea that before the internet people were just writing ‘fuck you’ and attaching it to pigeons.
With Michael Jackson, what I thought was really interesting was the people saying: ‘He looked really well in that final video.’ I was, like: ‘No, he didn’t – he looked like someone had melted goat’s cheese over a sex doll.’
Some people in England only have their wheelie bins collected once a fortnight. Their suffering is unimaginable.
Donald Glover quotes
Adam Carolla quotesWhen Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.
Ellen DeGeneres quotesDon't you hate when people are late to work. And they always have the worst excuses. "Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, traffic." "Traffic, huh? How do you think I got here; helicoptered in!?"
I don't want to get the same looks I give people when they get on a plane holding a baby: "That's a cute baby, just keep walking, keep walking, keep going, keep going...."
You have to have funny faces and words, you can`t just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I think that`s why it`s hard for people to imagine that women can do that, be that powerful.
People always ask me `Were you funny as a child?` Well, I was an accountant.
I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I'm just like "shut up, shut up, shut up...blah blah blah blah blaaaaah."
