Funny quotes about people
Whitney Cummings quotesThe problem with vampires is they look like they're 20, but they're actually 100 years old. So you'll be dating this hot, young guy who grew up in the Great Depression and hates Irish people. And then you take him out to a nightclub, and he's doing the Charleston. Or you think he's cheating on you, so you go through his journal. You're like, 'Who the hell is this slut? Harriet Tubman? Who the f**k is that?'
Found a fragrance called Vixen. Guess they can't name them after the people who actually wear them. Nobody's going to buy Secretary.
Dov Davidoff quotesYou forget how crazy people are in New York, all the people on the sidewalk. When you leave here, everyone's in their car. But I get back here -- I just went to throw something in the garbage, and there was a guy in the garbage. And he wasn't looking in it; he is in it, looking out over 9th Ave like a fisherman.
You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.
We were standing next to this guy with a bandana and a tattooed teardrop and a knife, and I said to my friend, 'I don't want to hang out here.' My friend said, 'Don't judge people.' I said, 'The dude's got a knife.' He said, 'He could be a chef.'
Tim Minchin quotesYeah how bad can it be? Some people have it worse than me I could be a child prostitute Or Gary Glitter’s family
I have these friends, and they had a daughter recently and they named her Jessica. They spelt it J-E-S-I-K-A. They’re that kind of people.
It’s quite hard being right in the face of people who are wrong without sounding like a fuckwit. People go “do you think the vast majority of the world is wrong”, well yes. I don’t know how to say that nicely, but yes.”
Zach Galifianakis quotesHave you seen that show on CBS called 'The Amazing Race'? Is that show about white people?
I'd like to do a reality show with four white people...who are dropped off in a really bad black neighborhood. And the show would be called...Cracker Hunt.
You know how some people have gay-dar? I have fat-dar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not. And I also have cerebral-palsy-dar.
Don't boo people! Don't boo! Be more specific! Like, "WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?! I HATE THAT! I HATE IT!"
Hannibal Buress quotesWhen people go through something rough in life, they say, "I'm taking it one day at a time." Yes, so is everybody. Because that's how time works.
People like to compare something to something that they know. Even with Chris Rock, they say he's like Richard Pryor or Eddie Murphy.
Daniel Tosh quotesI saw a guy wearing a "What Would Jesus Do?" bracelet and a Lance Armstrong bracelet, and he went up to this blind kid and rubbed his eyes, and the kid could see. But he wasn't used to the light, 'cause it was bright, and he walked into traffic and was killed instantly. Okay, the people that are laughing right now? I'm gonna call you guys half-full. Because you're focusing on the important part of the story: the bracelets are working.
