Funny quotes about people

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

Cremation has become the most popular form of burial in the United States… People used to want a big, thick granite stone, their names carved into with a chisel. “I was here dammit!” Cremation is like you’re trying to cover up a crime. “Burn the body. Scatter the ashes around. As far as anyone’s concerned this whole thing never happened.”

They have the greeting cards with the couples on the front. They photograph them. These hazy focus people. They’re always having picnics. There’s always a tree, a pond… who are these people? I don’t know them. I don’t want them on my card either. What am I going to write inside there anyway? “Here’s another couple having a better relationship than us.”

Then people ask me if I'm worried about the effects of global warming on my kids. Well, obviously I love my kids and I want them to live to be a 100. So that's another 1.8 degrees. My kids’ kids? Three point six. I'll just tell them we moved to Phoenix.

President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which.

If you don't go to other peoples funerals, they won't go to yours.

One of his favorite racist jokes he can't tell anymore, because too many people didn't get it. It starts with him confessing that he's used the term "sand n****r," then adding that he's never said it about someone from the Middle East. "When I use it," he says, "it's 'Get off the sand, n****r, volleyball is a white man's game!'" -

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.

"It's a wonderful day when white people black people and Hispanics all come together, to pick on another minority"

You know how Mexican restaurants always have “border” in the name: Border Grill, Border Cafe. You wouldn’t do that to black people: Kunta’s Kitchen or Shackles. They don’t do it to white people. You don’t see the Honkey Grill, the Cracker Barrel…. oh, nevermind.

George: Why've you had a grudge against your brother for 15 years? Benny: We Lopezes are a proud people... George: You have a birthday lunch at Denny's every month. We're not that proud!

White people, you did not get a receipt for niggas, you can not return us!