Funny quotes about people

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

Television is the triumph of machine over people.

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

[welcoming people to Hell] The French, are you here? If you'd just like to come down here with the Germans, I'm sure you'll have plenty to talk about.

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.