Funny quotes about penis
Jimmy Carr quotesI hate those e-mails where they try to sell you penis enhancers. I got ten just the other day. Eight of them from my girlfriend. It's the two from my mum that really hurt.
Robin Williams quotesGod gave men a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Russell Peters quotesHave you ever felt your penis invert before? I had to sit down and pee for a month.
The media put that in our heads too. They made us insecure about our penises too. You watch a porno nowadays, you see these guys with these giant hogs on them, fucking Chernobyl waste nuclear reactor dicks on them. You watch that and you go "*sad tone* oh my god, im never gonna have a dick like that" You are not SUPPOSED to have a dick like that. Animals should not have dicks like that.
Dave Attell quotesNever let a woman put a condom on ya. Do it yourself fellas. It's embarrassing. “Oh look, oh look there’s still more room! Ha Ha Ha! We could tie it off and use it again and again. Cause you’ve got a small penis; and I know, cause I work with children.”
Every man wonders about the size of their penis. Laying in bed alone at night, or in a hammock with a parrot. You start thinking, “Do I have a small penis or just gigantic balls?”
Ladies, is it really the size of a man's penis that matters? Is it? (some girls cheer) Well, the whores have spoken. Some woman say yes, some women say "no, it's how he uses his penis." How he uses it? What is this man doing with his magical penis? Is he building things and fighting terrorism? "A gazebo, how did that get in here?!" "Don't thank me." What if a man doesn't have a penis, but three balls, and one of them lights up and plays a tune? Does he ever get laid?! DO YOU FUCK HIM FOR THE STORY?!
Florida looks like a gigantic penis! Doesn't it? Have you ever googled it? It looks like a gigantic peener! About to shoot a load of freedom all over Cuba. A bukkake of choices and ideas.
Some people are against porno movies. And I say hey, Ohio, Kentucky, and Iran: I say, hey - whatever a man, and a woman, and another woman with a penis and a midget do to a donkey, that's their garsh-darn business.
Never drink alone, that's what they say. But you know what? If you drink you will never be alone, alright? People will find you, and that's when all the bad stuff happens, right? Just sittin around, doin nuthin, right? You know what happened one time? Drunk, nothin to do. I end up doing what? My penis in my fishtank, alright? No, i did it just to show them who's boss, alright? They were gettin a little uppity. Even the diver guy stopped bubblin, he's like 'bleh??' Then, they hid in the castle. And like all good times, it always ends when your grandma walks in, doesn't it? 'Get that dick outta the fishtank!! Time for supper!'
Sarah Silverman quotesI was licking jelly off of my boyfriend's penis and all of a sudden I'm thinking, "Oh My God, I'm turning into my mother!"
Zach Galifianakis quotesYou know what I like to do when I'm at Blockbuster? You know the quick- drop that they have there? I like to stick my penis in there. And then look at the help and say, "Have you seen this, is this any good?"
Denis Leary quotesYeah, I'd like to do some cocaine. I'd like to do a drug that makes my penis small, makes my nose bleed, makes my heart explode, and sucks all my money out of the bank.
Donald Glover quotes
Adam Carolla quotesNature knew what she was doing when she figured out the penis and the cunt.
