Funny quotes about parents
Brian Regan quotesMy parents didn't know what to do with me. They got me into Little League Baseball, I played out in right field, cause I stunk.
Lee Evans quotesOur grandparents fucking ate anything put in front of them! Your granddad would say "What's for tea, love?" "Tripe!" "Oooooohh! Animal stomach lining for fucking tea, man!" They ate anything, fucking monkey's phlegm, orangutang's bollocks. I dunno I'm just making them up now... chicken's quiff!
Milton Jones quotesMy parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices to pay for my education... because they were both druids.
Rodney Dangerfield quotesI get no respect at all - When I was a kid, I lost my parents at the beach. I asked a lifeguard to help me find them. He said "I don't know kid, there are so many places they could hide".
My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.
When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."
Rita Rudner quotesI know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
Jerry Seinfeld quotesMy parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
Bo Burnham quotes
Zach Galifianakis quotesI once walked in on my grandparents making love...And that's why I don't eat raisins.
Daniel Tosh quotesThank you ... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you ... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.
Denis Leary quotesMy parents used to beat the living shit out of me, okay? And I'm glad they did, and I'm looking forward to beating the shit out of my kids!
Martin Lawrence quotesWhite parents use time out. My mom used a different type of time out. She'd be like "there, take time out to pick up your teeth."
