Funny quotes about parent
Rodney Dangerfield quotesWhen I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."
Rita Rudner quotesI know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
Jerry Seinfeld quotesMy parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
Doug Stanhope quotesI couldn't be a responsible enough parent if my kid was born with a new suit and a full-time job.
Bo Burnham quotes
Michael Ian Black quotesAs a parent in the suburbs where I live, you have to chaperone your children everywhere they go because everybody's so afraid their precious little angel is going to get abducted or something. How egotistical can you get? Oh, your kid is sooo special. Everybody wants your kid. Come on.
Dov Davidoff quotesI saw the family recently. Everybody's angry at me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. He goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'Shut up, Billy. You're gay.'
Zach Galifianakis quotesI once walked in on my grandparents making love...And that's why I don't eat raisins.
Daniel Tosh quotesThank you ... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you ... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.
Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.
Denis Leary quotesMy parents used to beat the living shit out of me, okay? And I'm glad they did, and I'm looking forward to beating the shit out of my kids!
Martin Lawrence quotesWhite parents use time out. My mom used a different type of time out. She'd be like "there, take time out to pick up your teeth."
Jeff Foxworthy quotesWhen I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, "Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn."
Bill Engvall quotesI've come up with the three things you never want to hear at your kid's parent/teacher conference. Number one: "You're only responsible for the first $10,000 worth of damage." Number two: "We have medication for this." And number three: "It was more than an ounce and he was less than a hundred yards from the school."
