Funny quotes about pain

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

I don't care if people think I am an overactor, as long as they enjoy what I do. People who think that would call Van Gogh an overpainter.

I know this sounds strange, but as a kid, I was really shy. Painfully shy. The turning point was freshman year, when I was the biggest geek alive. No one, I mean no one, even talked to me.

Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.

I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

It's no coincidence that the worst published writer in the world today is also one of the world's most successful writers... Dan Brown. Now Dan Brown is not a good writer, The Da Vinci Code is not literature. Dan Brown writes sentences like "The famous man looked at the red cup." ...and it's only to be hoped that Dan Brown never gets a job where he's required to break bad news. "Doctor is he going to be alright?" "The seventy five year old man died a painful death on the large green table... it was sad".

When I was a kid I would write songs, little plays, and poetry in school. If you're an adult and you're a poet, it's all about love and pain, but if you're a kid it's, "Does anyone know a word that rhymes with shark?"

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

90% of every art form is garbage - dance and stand-up, painting and music. Focus on the 10% that's good, suck it up, and drive on.

I hate bumper stickers, you can't sum anything up. All you do is paint yourself in some caricaturist corner.

A person with no children says, "Well I just love children," and you say "Why?" and they say, "Because a child is so truthful, that's what I love about 'em - they tell the truth." That's a lie, I've got five of 'em. The only time they tell the truth is if they're having pain.

I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

In those days the best painkiller was ice; it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.