Funny quotes about old

You know what they say, "There's no reason to ever hit a woman." Shit! There's a reason to hit everybody. You just don't do it. Shit, there's a reason to kick an old man down a flight of stairs. You just don't do it. Ain't nobody above an ass-whooping.

Nothing more racist than a old black man, you know why? 'Cause the old black man went through some real racism. He ain't go through that "I can't get a cab" shit. He was the cab! White man just jump on his back: "Main Street!"

You know the stripper myth? There's a stripper myth, that's being perpetuated throughout society. The myth is, I'm strippin' to pay my tuition. No you're not! There's no strippers in college! There's no clear heels in biology! Shit, man. I didn't know they had a college that only took one-dollar bills. And if they got so many strippers at college, how come I never got a smart lap dance? I never got a girl that sat on my lap and said, If I was you, I would diversify my portfolio. You know, ever since the end of the Cold War, I find NATO obsolete!.

When I heard they were trying and get rid of the word "nigga", I told my accountant to buy 800 shares of "coon".

Peanuts! What happened to peanuts! Now every buggers allergic to peanuts! It's true, you open a packet of peanuts now, and a bunch of five year olds in a five mile radius slam to the floor, jabbing themselves with fucking adrenaline!

God old people on coaches! F*ck they go past you at light speed! You can see their faces all up the back window!

Old people can't fall asleep in their chair in peace. As soon as they start to nod off you go, "Nan! Nan!" They go, "What? What?" "Oh sorry we thought you'd just di..."

(about cars) “I would say ‘has it got a cup holder, and will it make birds touch my cock?’”

(to the French) You lot will never have the pleasure of coming home as a 14 year old boy, thinking you’re only getting beans on toast and then going “oh hello, there’s little sausages in their”.

I was told by the doctor that I was infertile and I couldn't have children, 3 weeks after that he told me that my girlfriend was pregnant....who's the daddy?

Incredible to think isn’t it, that every single Scotsman, started off as a scotch egg. Old and gingery.

Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don’t think so…retired mermaids.

When the boys at school found out I had a potentially fatal peanut allergy, they used to hold me up against a wall and play Russian Roulette with a bag of Revels !

My grandfather invented the cold air balloon... But it never really took off.

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.