Funny quotes about old
Billy Connolly quotesA mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said "her brothers got a moustache!"
Bob Hope quotesIt's so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.
My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.
I don't feel old - I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
Will Ferrell quotesJames Caan told me at the end of filming 'Elf' that he had been waiting through the whole film for me to be funny - and I never was.
Tommy Cooper quotesA woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
'I had a meal last night. I ordered everything in French, surprised everybody. It was a Chinese restaurant. I said to this Chinese waiter, 'Look, this chicken I got here is cold. 'He said, 'It should be, it's been dead two weeks.'
Bob Saget quotesI have the brain of a German Shepard and the body of 16-year-old boy. They’re both in my car and I want you to see them.
Frank Carson quotesHave you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
A man says to the doctor: "What's the good news?" "You've got 24 hours to live." He says: "What's the bad news?" The doctor says: "We should have told you yesterday."
My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: "Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?"
Amy Poehler quotesStop whining about getting old. It’s a privilege. A lot of people who are dead wish they were still alive.
The only thing we can depend on in life is that everything changes. The seasons, our partners, what we want and need. We hold hands with out high school friends and swear to never lose touch, and then we do….Change is the only constant. Your ability to navigate and tolerate change and its painful uncomfortableness directly correlates to your happiness and general well-being.
