Funny quotes about old
Rodney Dangerfield quotesI went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I told him once, "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me? He said, "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."
A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights.
One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".
Rita Rudner quotesI don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Jerry Seinfeld quotesA two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
Gilbert Gottfried quotesIf the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house.
Dennis Miller quotesNever ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?
Bob Monkhouse quotes
Groucho Marx quotesAge is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
