Funny quotes about night
Rodney Dangerfield quotesOne night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.
I was tired one night and I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, "What'll you have?" I said, "Surprise me." He showed me a naked picture of my wife.
During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper 4 times - 3 while I was reading it
A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights.
One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".
Rita Rudner quotesMen who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
Gilbert Gottfried quotesLast night I was having dinner with Charles Manson, and in the middle of dinner he turned to me and said, "Is it hot in here, or am I crazy?"
Dennis Miller quotes
Katt Williams quotesSome of yall ladies is looking for an 100% good nigga, and I had a meeting with all these niggas in attendance tonight and established that there is no such a nigga. So stop looking for him. Some of yall had a 98% nigga and yall got rid of him for 2% now you siting next to a 71% nigga hoping he upgrade.
Kevin Hart quotesWell u tell cancer I said I'ma shoot him twice me, by myself, all day, everyday, wakeup, go back to sleep, you wanna go night night nigga? everybody go night night everybody go night night
Marc Maron quotesIn show business, it takes 10 years to create an overnight success. You've heard that, right? But what you don't hear is that that's the exact same amount of time it takes to create a bitter failure.
Amy Schumer quotes[Baby Safety Ads] It says, 'It's safest to let them sleep alone, especially if you drink, use drugs or are overweight.' Yeah, I thought that was weird, too. But if you think about it, if you're drunk, stoned or really fat, in the middle of the night, that baby might look delicious. I've eaten weirder things.
Michael Ian Black quotesHere's how you play: on your drive home tonight... when you get, like, 15, 20 minutes away from your house, take an Ambien -- and then just try to beat it. Really fun, and it makes the last part of the drive go really fast, you guys.
