Funny quotes about money

‘I’m a gangsta, and gangstas don’t ask questions.’…yes they do ask questions! I thought that was a main point of being a gangster…’Hey, muthafucka, where’s my money??’ that’s a question…”Do you want to die tonight??’ that’s a question too…’what?what?’ That’s two questions.

Shake that ass while I throw money that I made selling crack!

Yeah, I'd like to do some cocaine. I'd like to do a drug that makes my penis small, makes my nose bleed, makes my heart explode, and sucks all my money out of the bank.

I shouldn't be near Vegas and have money in my pocket.

I didn't go to college at all, any college, and I'm not saying you wasted your time or money, but look at me, I'm a huge celebrity.

I'm a — I'm a, um, a godmother which is just, that's fun to be a godmother, she is so precious, she's the light of my life, she's two... or five or something, and she's, uh... I don't know, I've never seen her — the pictures are precious, she just seems so, y'know... She lives clear across town, I don't have that kind of time, but, um... Well, I send money and stuff, it's not like I don't have a connection....

No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there's Bo and Duke. What do they do? I never saw them working for food or gas money. You can only kill so many possum.

A Scouser went to a prostitute. She said, ‘Do you want a blow job?’ He said, ‘Will it affect me dole money?’

Jordan ran the London marathon to help raise money for the blind. After jogging that far with her body, I’m surprised she hasn’t joined them!

Don't you think its quite weird for Prince Harry, getting really stoned and seeing your grans face appearing on your money.

(On actress Emma Watson.) She didn’t want to be my friend at school. She’ll probably be in a queue of people who are after me. We found some socks with her name tag in so we whacked them on eBay. We thought, ‘She’s doing well for herself, let’s make some money.’ I can’t recall what we got for the socks but it wasn’t over a fiver.

"We don't need your English bastard pounds! We're our own country, we'll have our own bloody money, eh?!" "Would you like your own currency?" "Ah, it's complicated mathematically. Let's just have yours with our photos, I think that's the best way!"

I was goin' to clown if I won that money. I had some phone calls to make. One phone I had to make was to that ugly-ass heifer that turned me down in high school. 'Hello, is this Aisha? You don't remember me, bitch, but I just won $250,000. Remember that time I asked you to go to dinner and you told me you was allergic to fat people? Well, bitch, how you feel now? 'Cuz I'm allergic to bitches. Click!'

This homeless guy asked me for money the other day. I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol. And then I thought, that's what I'm going to use it on. Why am I judging this poor bastard?

Ice T you f*ckin’ fossil. You’re so old, the first thing you bought with your record deal money was your freedom. On your first album, the ‘n-word’ was ‘negro’