Funny quotes about money
Adam Ferrara quotesMen tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man -- the hooker gave the money back.'
Dylan Moran quotesMoney can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits.
George Carlin quotesMost people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
Jimmy Carr quotesOnce I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi.
The 2012 Olympics is going to cost £8 billion which is a lot of money. It'll probably bankrupt London. But you can't put a price on two bronze medals in cycling.
Mitch Hedberg quotesI want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win."
You know when you see an advertisement for a casino, and they have a picture of a guy winning money? That's false advertising, because that happens the least. That's like if you're advertising a hamburger, they could show a guy choking. "This is what happened once."
Robin Williams quotes
Richard Pryor quotesThe black groups that boycott certain films would do better to get the money together to make the films they want to see, or stay in church and leave us to our work.
Woody Allen quotesRight now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.
Mike Birbiglia quotesWhat I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.
Emo Phillips quotesYou don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
Brian Regan quotesI heard on the news once, and my uncle does this. The government will pay certain farmers to not grow corn. Wow, where's my check? That'd be great. "Hey, what do you do for a living?" "Well, I don't grow corn. Get up at the crank of noon, make sure there's no corn growin'. You know we used to not grow tomatoes, but there's more money in not growin' corn."
