Funny quotes about marriage
Dennis Miller quotesAfter seven years of marriage, I'm sure of two things -- first, never wallpaper together, and second, you'll need two bathrooms.. both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.
Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.
Bob Monkhouse quotes
Groucho Marx quotesMarriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Doug Stanhope quotesIf marriage didn't exist, would you invent it? Would you go "Baby, this shit we got together, it's so good we gotta get the government in on this shit. We can't just share this commitment 'tweenst us. We need judges and lawyers involved in this shit, baby. It's hot!"
Daniel Tosh quotesI'm actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having a man around the house...
Rodney Carrington quotes[talking about how the relationship changes after marriage] You know, you'll spend some time together, then you tell her, "You know, you're fun! I like you! You're fun! We have fun together! Let's get married!" So you get married, then after a little while fun starts packin' its shit! And you go, "Where ya' goin', fun?" And she goes, "Oh, nowhere. Just gettin' some stuff together." And then one day, Fun says "Fuck it!" and takes off! And you go, "Come back, Fun!" And she says, "Fuck you married guy!"
Frankie Boyle quotesThere's going to be a Royal wedding! Ironically I don't get a day off for the wedding as I work part time as an Al-Qaeda sniper. If William's marriage is half as happy as his mum and dad's then Kate might as well cut her own brake cables now. William's dad of course had an affair with Camilla and his mum slept with Englishmen, Americans, and an Egyptian before finally being fucked by that Frenchman. Charles broke Diana's heart... Ten years before a steering column mashed what was left of it. Let's not forget that night. We all know where we were when Diana died. I for one was weaving around Paris in a white Fiat. You know we haven't had a royal assassination in ten years. Let's get rid of her, let's replace her with Martine McCutcheon, and so at last I can wank to the twenty pound note again. If the British Royal Family keep marrying outside the aristocracy, it won't be long before they'll hardly have any German blood left in them.
Charles 'Chic' Murray quotesIf it weren’t for marriage, husband and wives would have to fight with strangers.
Billy Connolly quotesMarriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
Tommy Cooper quotesWell, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!
Nate Bargatze quotesGuys are not good at marriage. It's not our fault; we weren't prepared for it like women are. Your whole life is built just preparation for marriage, every toy you played with. When you're a baby they give you a baby doll. So they give you a baby when you're a baby. You don't even know you're alive yet and they're like, 'Look, I would probably start figuring this out. This is where it's going.' Then they give you Barbie and Ken -- they live in a little house together and that is where you learn how to make drama.
Marriage is like, did you ever to a concert and you see a mosh pit and you're like, 'You know what I'm going to go get in that mosh pit.' But then once you get in it, you're like, 'I do not want to be in this mosh pit at all. I am going to leave and go get some beer.' And then the mosh pit's like, 'Didn't you drink last night?' All right mosh pit, why don't you get off my back and let me live my life?
Norm Macdonald quotesMany people are skeptical about marriage of Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Pressley. They say, Lisa Marie is more of a sit at home type, while Michael Jackson is more of a homosexual pedophile.
