Funny quotes about love

When I was a kid I would write songs, little plays, and poetry in school. If you're an adult and you're a poet, it's all about love and pain, but if you're a kid it's, "Does anyone know a word that rhymes with shark?"

What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.

I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks.

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the Devil. Other than that, though, it's been a good day.

I'm a great lover, I'll bet.

"I love how New York is so multicultural. I wish I was ethnic, I'm nothing. Because if you're Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, 'He's got a Latin temper!' If you're a white guy and you get angry, people are like, 'That guy's a jerk.'"

You ever find yourself being lazy for no reason at all? Like, you pick up your mail, you go in your house, you realize you have a letter for a neighbor. You ever just look at the letter and go "Hm. Looks like they're never getting this. It'll take too much energy to go back outside. I'm gonna get that to them later on. Right now I gotta watch some 'Love Connection.' They got some new host on there."

Now don't get me wrong, I love animals, but I like eatin' 'em more... fun to pet, better to chew.

This city has so many beautiful women. I fall in love like every ten minutes, I'm sitting on the subway, I'm like, "There's my wife...there she is - oh, she's getting off. All right, there's the woman - all right, that's a man."

[On marketing and commercials] HENDERSON VALLEY EGGS! You're gonna love our eggs!!!... [cut to small granny in rockin chair] I like eggs the old fashioned way. [return to youth] "Fuck you granny!" [punch mimic]

I gave my cat a bath the other day... they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, if was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that...

Love is a promise delivered already broken.

I love it when mothers get so mad they can't remember your name. "Come here, Roy, er, Rupert, er, Rutabaga... what is your name, boy? And don't lie to me, because you live here, and I'll find out who you are.'

A person with no children says, "Well I just love children," and you say "Why?" and they say, "Because a child is so truthful, that's what I love about 'em - they tell the truth." That's a lie, I've got five of 'em. The only time they tell the truth is if they're having pain.

Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.